I really hate Ero Loli because it doesn’t help when trying to defend to others that Lolita is not a sexual fashion. I think Ero Loli should be classified as something outside of Lolita Fashion.
Image from here, it was used since she is a lovely example of Ero Lolita, rather than a bad.
I would suggest that the fact that “ero lolita” exists as a named sub-style at all proves that lolita, outside of that specific category, is not concerned about looking “sexy.” You don’t name a sub-style unless it’s distinctive from everything else. Goths don’t have a special sexy category, because it is generally accepted that many kinds of goths can be explicitly sexy or not sexy and it does not matter which.
So all of this “ero is tarnishing the rest of lolita” stuff is just silly. It’s already shunted off in its own lesser-known sub-style, not hurting anybody. But you also cannot change the fact that it is produced by lolita brands, appears in lolita mooks and events, and, yes, is worn by real lolitas.